Suu Kyi’s Letter of Thanks to Than Shwe

BARBER'S CHAIR (Satire)
By THE IRRAWADDY

Dear Senior-General,

I trust you will excuse my handwriting. I am writing by candlelight. It seems there is not much electricity in this part of Rangoon these days.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you. After so many years of looking out at Inya Lake, a change of scenery was most welcome, although I must confess I am somewhat disappointed with the décor and landscape gardening in my new compound.

Most importantly though, I must thank you for your unflinching political support. I thought that the world had forgotten about me, but you made sure that my face reappeared on TV all over the world.

You had previously cautioned foreign governments not to focus so much on one person (me), but now you have magnanimously ensured that my name is on the lips of every diplomat in Rangoon.

The international community has a reputation for having a short attention span. Thanks to your efforts, Burma is back on the front pages of the newspapers.

I believe that the US and the EU were in a bit of a pickle about how to handle the economic sanctions issue and recognition of next year’s election.

Now, thanks to your clear-cut methods and no-nonsense approach, those countries will have no hesitation in making decisions with regard to the Burmese government’s status.

In fact, talking of the election, on behalf of my party, the NLD, let me also thank you for your PR efforts on our behalf. With so many members in prison and so few opportunities to canvas for contributions, we have not been able to promote our democratic cause as we would like over the last few years.

However, as you have single-handedly reminded the population of Burma of the differences between right and wrong, between truth and deceit and between justice and farce, I am sure we won’t need any other marketing campaigns to generate support. You have become the pro-democracy movement’s greatest benefactor. Well done!

If you ever find yourself overthrown by an internal coup, don’t hesitate to give the NLD a call. We always need a PR agent like you on our books.

And, of course, thanks for the exposure to your military justice system. I have been waiting a long time to see it up close and personal. Next time you permit reporters and diplomats in the courtroom, might I request that you invite the Australian ambassador? After all, with his experience in the Australian outback I am sure he will have a better understanding of a kangaroo court. (Lol!)

At least here in Insein I should be safe from crazy intruders. You would think that with all the security forces and intelligence personnel that the government has at its disposal that it would be impossible for even James Bond to get past them.

But I suppose if a secret agent disguised himself as a middle-aged, overweight, delusional American skinny-dipper then he would be a lot more difficult to catch. Right?

Anyway, I am sure you are busy with your Naypyidaw projects, so I won’t take up any more of your precious time.

Thank you again for everything you have done for our country. After the Burmese people have democracy, please allow us to reciprocate.

Yours in captivity,

Aung San Suu Kyi
Insein Prison